A Letter

Dear Ninad,

You are a big boy now, all of 14 months young. I have been toying with the idea of sending you to play home ever since you turned 1. To support my idea, you have been acting very cranky at home these days. You go to park everyday for 2 hours in the morning right after you take bath and 1 hour in the evening after your nap. You are the happiest when you are out, playing in the sand, snatching things from other kids, sitting on the merry-go-round and the swing. You have always shown interest in playing with other kids. You have never had much of stranger anxiety, which is a great thing. Whenever you go over to your friends’ house or they come over here, you thoroughly enjoy playing with them. All these led me to decide that sending you to play home will be the best thing for you.

I have been sending you to play home since last Monday. You were a sweetheart on the first day. As soon as I took you there, you ran away to look at the bright, colorful balls and didn’t even turn around to look at me. When you were playing with your new toys and friends, I was sitting at work, constantly worrying about you. I couldn’t concentrate on work and I would find myself picking up the phone to call your caretaker to ask if you were okay. After one hour, I literally ran to the playhome to pick you up only to see you laughing away with another kid. I picked you up but you wanted to play there. You came away home half-heartedly. Convinced that my decision was right, I took you the next day with a lot of excitement. You wanted to go inside, but wanted me to accompany you. I left you there and sneaked away when you were not noticing. I feel guilty for doing this. I don’t want you to stop trusting me.

Today was the third day and it was horrible. You were crying when I left you. I waited outside, with my ears pressed to the door, hoping that you stopped crying. After a few minutes, you were fine and I came away. When I went to pick you up, your caretaker told me you had had a bad day. You were missing me every few minutes and would cry. Whenever you saw something interesting, you forgot all about me but then would cry again after sometime. In short, a terrible day.

Was my decision wrong? Are you too small to be going to play school? But, there have been positive things too. Ever since you started playschool, your mood has been much better. You come back rejuvenated, take a longer nap and play the entire evening happily. Until last week, you would get very cranky and have a meltdown by late evening. Now, it’s as if you are a totally different child. You are still the same, mischievous child, but you are happy overall. I can already see the benefits of sending you to play school. Can you see them? Will you believe me when I say you will start enjoying playschool in a few days? Just give it some time sweetheart and you will be fine. Hang on these terrible days and things will get much better.

Ninad, I might seem like a very cruel mom, but please trust me baby, when I say this is good for you. You might think why on earth do I need to separate you from your mother and your safe home and leave you at a strange place with unfamiliar faces around. Even if I come across as a bad mother when I leave you crying at the playschool, just remember that the same bad mother stands outside the door and cries quietly. She forces herself to go to work only to keep checking her watch every few minutes to see if it’s time to bring you back. Those 60 minutes are the most excruciating for me. It’s as difficult for me as it is for you.

Having said this, if things are totally uncontrollable, we will just drop the plan. But before that, trust your mom and give this one more chance. Will you?

Your loving mom.